The Website for Aspiring Barbarians

As the Roman empire crumbled in the fifth century CE, everyone wanted a piece.

The Barbarian Conquest of Rome, 400-500 CE. (Map by Joshua Kemble. Click for larger version.)

As Genghis Khan famously declared, “Nothing comes between a barbarian and his yak.” Or, as Charles Manson put it, “A barbarian without a yak is like a basketball full of lymph.” I’m not sure what he meant, but the sentiment is clear. So if you don’t already own one, it’s time for you to sell your kids and a buy a yak. Here are some tips for selecting a good one.

1. Different breeds have different specialties. Know why you’re getting a yak: as a working animal, for food, or for love?

The Striped Yak (also known as the Mandrill Yak) is popular with children and Muppets.

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Art museums can be desperately boring places if you’re not looting them, but every now and then you should visit one just to remind yourself why you hate civilization so much. There are a number of ways to entertain yourself while you’re there.  Have no fear, you don’t have to “get” “art” to have a good time!

1. Bring a set of paints to fix the paintings. Don’t forget your broadsword– you’ll need it if the security guards get all up in your face.

BEFORE: an old dull-ass painting by some loser in France or someplace

AFTER: a masterpiece!!

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