Posts Tagged ‘religion’

Barbarian Bible Stories: The Sermon on the Mount

Friday, August 26th, 2011

Another excerpt from the Holy Barbarella, the Kipchak-Cuman version of the Bible:

Matthew 7:1 Judge not [said the magic dude in the gray flannel robe], that ye be not judged. 7:2 I’m not referring to the selection of crops at the market. 7:3 Obviously you would not want to take home a rotten carrot. 7:4 In other words, it’s okay to judge some things. 7:5 It’s just common sense. 7:6 Besides, ye need not fear the judgment of a carrot. 7:7 Neither should ye fear the judgment of sheep, or other animals, or slaves. 7:8 Just don’t judge people. 7:9 Actually, even then it is something of a gray area. 7:10 If you don’t make an informed judgment now and then, you might wind up marrying your sister. 7:11 Or, when choosing a leader, you might pick an ill-informed buffoon and suffer for your caprice. 7:12 “Judge not, that ye be not judged,” is a guideline, not an order. 7:13 But still, it’s not very polite to judge. 7:14 It’s especially rude when the person is dead. 7:15 The dead cannot talk back. 7:16 It is not your place to decide whether the dead person was good or bad. 7:17 I’ll be the judge of that.